Yes, I’ve been with my husband for a decade now. Yes, a DECADE! We have a tenure now. Its pretty impressive considering that my last relationship before my husband only lasted three years. If you haven’t guessed yet, this blog is just all about the decade we have been together.
To start things off, lets take a look back at what was happening in the world in 2004:
-Facebook had just launched.
-Everyone was on this thing called Myspace.
-Nipple gate with Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake had just happened at the Super Bowl.
-Paris Hilton had her own reality TV show.
-Ashley Simpson got caught lip-synching on SNL.
-Pat Tillman(Arizona Cardinals football player) was killed in the line of duty.
- Shrek 2 had just come out in the theaters.
-Bush Jr. took his second term as President.
-Britney Spears hadn’t gone crazy yet.
-Ken Jennings won 74 games and 2.4 million dollars on Jeopardy.
-Cell phones weren’t ‘smart’ yet.
-In November of that year, a little MMO called World of Warcraft would launch.
- Jessica Simpson and Nick Lacey were still married and on TV with a reality show called “Newlyweds”.
Yes, we are officially an old married couple with being married this long…that being said its time for me write out the meat and potatoes of this blog. Here’s ten major things I have learned over the 10 years of being together that and its my own personal nuggets of wisdoms to any newlyweds or new couples….So, here we go!
1. You will go to bed angry- When we were newlyweds I always did a silent eye roll when someone would give us the advice of not going to bed angry. Yeah, you know what? This is real life and you WILL go to bed angry from time to time. This isn’t a sitcom or even an hour long drama TV show. Sometimes things can’t be fixed in a half an hour, an hour or even two hours. Sometimes it is just better to get some rest and then go about the issue the next day with fresh eye’s.
2. Your spouse is on your side- This is one of those things that a lot of couples lose sight of and its easy to do so. Your spouse is your home team and the one who is rooting for you regardless. You should be able to depend on each other in both good and bad. Don’t go around thinking your spouse is the enemy. My husband is my best friend and I would on most days hang out with him over a whole lot of other people. Don’t lose sight of each other and remember, you are the home team.
3. If you are about to go for the night and your spouse looks at you and says ‘what is that horrible thing you are wearing?’. Seriously, don’t get upset just go upstairs and change into something else. You are suppose to impress your spouse and be attractive to your spouse. If an outfit, hairstyle or anything makes you unattractive to them, simply change it. I can’t stress that enough. There’s no need to throw a hissy fit either….Again, one of your main goals should be to remain attractive in the eye’s of your spouse. Along those same lines: Don’t be afraid to try out new things like cutting your hair really, really short. Sometimes change can be a good thing.
4. Have a third party you both trust- I got this one from my friend who is a psychologist(thanks Deb). Pick a third party that you both trust, its someone who you both can talk to about things. If you need to complain about each other this person is the one you can go to that way not everyone on the face of the planet hears you complaining. In certain cases the third party can help fix fights. Yes, we have a trusted third party. He’s had to come and be the middle man in a few fights and he’s also the Godfather to our daughter. The next number also has to do with this number so…
5. Don’t air your dirty laundry to everyone- This one seems like common sense but with Facebook and social media its easy to end up airing your laundry all over the place. I’ve been told by numerous people that it appears that I have a ‘perfect marriage’ which I smile at silently because that means I’m doing my job right online. People don’t need to know that you and your spouse are fighting over something or even what your last fight was about….When you do that all you are doing is giving cheap entertainment to the on lookers and some of which I’m sure would love to see you fail as a couple. Keep your dirty laundry in the basket hidden from the public.
6. Once you are married you are your own family so make your own traditions- Yep, this one the hubby and I run with and A LOT. Sure, some of our traditions come from my family, some come from his and some of them….Well, we just made up on our own. Case in point, met our friend Jacob! He’s our mouse and we decorate him for Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc etc..I think you get the point but yeah, he’s the first purchase we made as a couple and he’s our own little tradition for the holidays.
7. Make time for each other- this one should be common sense but to some people it really isn’t…Just because you are married and you landed the girl/guy that doesn’t mean that you should stop courting your mate. Go out on dates especially without the child(ren) in toe. You were a couple before you had kid(s). Once your child(ren) move out it will just be the two of you so you mine as well make sure you still like each other at the end of the day.
8. Don’t sweat the small stuff- Really, it doesn’t matter if the toilet seat got left up, or who ended up doing the laundry this week….That’s really small fries. It’s not sense in having fights over the small things that go wrong in your life. Save your fights with the big issues and not the small ones. If you waste too much time fighting over small stuff…Well, you’ll waste a lot of time you could be spending together and being happy.
9. Don’t lose your own identity- Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to be the same person. Keep your own interests that are separate from your spouse. Even still, give each other space when needed. A couple nights a week of you two NOT sleeping in the same room is a good thing too. Sometimes its nice to have the bed all to yourself and be able to stay up late reading, watching a movie or catching up on TV shows without disturbing your partner. You are married and don’t have the joined to hip thing too far. Give each other space and don’t give up hobbies just because you have a spouse and kids.
10. Remember why you started dating the person and WHY you wanted to marry them in the first place- Every couple has tough times and certain times and that being said, sometimes you need to just sit down as a couple and remember WHY you wanted to be with that person in the first place. Don’t lose sight of why you wanted to be with that person in the first place.
So, there you have! One decade down complete with good and bad times. We’ve weathered many storms in these past ten years and we are still together. In today’s world where people leave each other all the time, I’d say us staying together is a pretty big accomplishment..Cheers to the ten year milestone.